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Bisexuality in men does exist

This is a shout out to Amy Andre (dearamydotnet), a classmate and bi-sexual activist who has convinced my that my previous post that claimed that bisexual men did not exist, was wrong. For the record, here is my previous perspective, and why it's wrong.

Bisexual men are just a stop on the way to homosexuality

Like many gay men, I used to believe that bisexuality in men was simply a stepping stone to homosexuality that allowed men to tradeoff increased sexual awakening with the almost crippling shame and denial that comes with initial self awareness of same sex attraction. In my limited experience, all the bisexual men I had met had eventually admitted that in fact they were gay. In addition, my own feelings of attraction of men and not women, suggested that attraction had to be binary, it just had to be.

The definition of bisexuality is ....

Bisexuality has no single accepted definition, even Amy admits that. However I can see two definitions;

  1. If someone has slept with members of both sexes, they are bisexual
  2. If someone calls themselves bisexual, then regardless of their behavior, they are bisexual
For my readers, I challenge you to ask yourself, which do you think is the better definition? Behavioral or self labeling? From a scientific inquiry perspective, I believe the first is most useful, which is a large part of the disagreement I had in my previous post on the subject. For now though, it turns out that it doesn't really matter how you define it. It still exists!

To answer the question, just ask enough people ....

It turns out that a survey conducted by the CDC asked people detailed questions about their sexual behavior (2002 National Survey of Family Growth - NSFG). The key element to remember here, is that their sample was statistically representative of the entire US population. In it, they asked two key questions:

  1. Have you had sex with members of the opposite sex and the same sex in the last 12 months?
  2. Do you consider yourself, homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual?
Table 17 of this report summarizes the answer only for men (for women, there is more complexity around the wording of the question). It turns out that there are men who have had sex with both opposite sex and same sex partners in the last 12 months (1.3%) and also a group of men who label themselves as bisexual (1.8%). Under both definitions of bisexuality, there is a statistically significant group of them, although it's small.

There are definitely bisexual men out there .... but not many

I was wrong. Bisexual men do exist, although undoubtedly some of them are bisexual in a transient fashion. Next time a gentlemen claims to be bisexual, I'll be less judgmental from the outset.


Father of the iPod = Boring

I'm drowning in work this month as well as rejections from marquee bay area companies. For me, the recession has already hit and who knows whether the job hunt will end in the next few weeks or stretch longer? I'm hoping for the former.

Amongst the grind is the occasional superstar speaker booked to talk in an MBA class. This week, the "father of the iPod", Terry Fadell, came and did a Q&A. Sounds like a great experience huh? Well aside from knowing the details of the birth of the iPod (he had been hired by Apple as a consultant after working for RealNetworks on their portable music strategy), he really had nothing to say. Why? Because like a number of bay area companies, Apple is obsessive about secrecy, and so he could tell us nothing about the future of the iPod, iPhone and iTouch. That means that the conversation quickly turned to boring generic organizational talk (like, "How do you motivate your people?").

To put it bluntly, in this forum, Terry was just a PR flak for Apple. I was gravely disappointed.


Good news in Connecticut

Gay marriage wins in another state!


A very stressful October

I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling the stress in the air. Every day I'm afraid that my dreams of a Obama-win will fall apart, that prop 8 will pass, and finally, that all my on-campus job search will be for naught. Will the financial crisis in the air, no firms are hiring, and guess what? I wouldn't be either given the mess we're in. This confluence of events has led to a very stressful October, what do y'all think?

In honor of this stress, I've embarked on a mini-detox to end when I visit DC later this month (watch this space for updates). This detox is the best way for me to amp up my productivity and emotional bulwalks for the next few weeks. In these weeks will be interviews, rejections and a number of assignments that are already behind schedule. On Monday, I missed a class to go see John Waters @ the Castro theater, the first time I can remember doing that ever. That's right folks, I show up to every class.

The flip side to this awful October is that November will be a dream. With any luck I'll have got a job offer on the table, the elections(s) will be over and it will be smooth sailing till the end of the year. The other upsides of this month is that good TV is back (although I'm way behind, I haven't even watched Project Runway from last night yet), I've bought my first home exercise equipment (an 8' medicine ball) and I'm generally pretty happy with the semester so far.

Below is a couple of pictures, the first is from a dinner with Ruben's ex-coworkers in Emeryville and the second is a Q@Haas Alumni networking event. So although you don't hear much from me, I'm still got plenty of things going on.


MBA Year Two | Four weeks in

I've entered my 3rd semester at Haas School of Business -- well I should say that I started 4 weeks ago but have been too busy to post here. Summer ended well and overall I felt it was a successful experience if not financially successful. Now it seems everywhere I go there is work to do. Classes, homework, job search and of course the election which has gone through far too many twist and turns to count. I'll just say that I hate the electoral college soo much.

On the MBA front, I'm focusing on Strategy, marketing and finance this semester and aside from one class which has been dumbed down for engineers, the rest are surprisingly great. In addition, the school is pulling in lots of other resources, I got to see (and ask a question to) Jeff Immelt (the CEO of GE) in a special lecture as well as the founder of hotornot.com who just sold his company and assures us has earned fuck-you money.

Unfortunately, my largest time suck is preparing for interviews with consulting firms. The big 3 (BCG, Bain and McKinsey) all use what's called the "case method" to interview MBA applicants. This involves a 1:1 session where the interviewer acts like a prospective client who you need to partner with to solve a hypothetical business problem. These sessions are meant to be very stressful and full of pressure. It also includes doing maths without a calculater in front of someone whom you're hoping to impress. After spending about 30+ hours so far trying to polish my delivery, I'm still not sure how well I do. It will depend on the day.

In addition, I've been going to presentations of companies who are recruiting on campus including salesforce.com, eBay, Google and McKenson (I won't even bother listing the consulting firms since the list is so long). I've still got many presentations to attend over the next month and you'll be amused to know that half the time I sit there hoping it will end soon and fantasizing about killing some of my classmates who dream up stupid questions that have noth\ing to do with anything. Idiots! The upside to all this job search is that I may be able to secure a job offer for when I graduate next May NOW which will allow me a lot of breathing space and mitigate the economic downturn which is reducing new hires all over the place (most importantly for MBA grads .... wall street isn't hiring). I'll come up for air when the recruiting season ends in November and maybe I'll have good news then.

As for personal life, I don't have one, except I've been to bearracuda a few times (best bear event ever) and this weekend I'm going to Folsom street fair for the first time. I'm glad that decent television is back (Heroes is better but I'm still skeptical), and it looks like I'm going to Texas for Christmas and Israel for the Winter break. Lets hope the USD gets some legs.

Bearweek over

  • I just returned back from Bearkweek in Provincetown MA. I'm still recovering but I'm glad to be back in the bay area. Ruben and I left Boston yesterday where the temperature was approaching 100 and returned here to find a cool 60 degrees. Nice.
  • Thanks to bear_left for hosting Ruben and I both before and after our rental in ptown. I especially appreciate Ian giving up his air-conditioned room so that I could have a restful nights sleep. I feel though that some of our rent was paid when bear_left was introduced to a young cub named Mike at the Alley.
  • Bearweek was a blast, although 7 days and nights of consecutive partying is exhausting to say the least. Our condo was in the East End far away from the Crown and Anchor and Boatslip partying hubs. The upside is that we had one of the few places with a king size bed and the airconditioning that made evenings bearable.
  • The highlight of the week was catching up with DC peeps and meeting some new ones. Most importantly ak6ar, huggybeardc as well as scotiabear and budcub. Since these four folks had managed to rent a place just steps away from the docks, we spent most of our evenings there and are very grateful to Ham for cooking 5 nights in a row. Each meal being a significant achievement with 7 hungry bears around the table.
  • As for adventuring, I can't really say that anything out of the ordinary really happened. Perhaps the most interesting aspect of bearweek for me was simply to see so many bears in one place. Walking down commercial street, day or night, was a excercise in extreme bear cruising, coupled with the occasional lesbian or straight couple. Word is that a group of lesbians is attempting to create a vacation week that "competes" with bear week for space and attention. I predict complete and utter failure.
  • The gay beach outside of ptwon is called herring cove and it was nice to spend some time relaxing and contemplating past and future. My business venture is never far from my mind as well as the upcoming semester at school.
  • Finally, a couple of shout outs. Roy/Pete as well and Ben in Boston. Seth, Ben, Matt, Joe, Tyler, Daniel and all the other folks I saw and caught up with in ptown. Special congrats to Ken and Jenny about which I've been sworn to secrecy.


Porn star siting in SF

  • The weather here is in SF has been blistering, and with no air-con it can be hard to concentrate. The upside is that the days are very long and occasionally you don't need a sweater in the city. Of course, it also encourages you to be outside.
  • This is one explanation of why I've been going out to the bear bars more than usual lately. Friday nights at the 440 and back to Bearracuda on Saturdays with the infrequent Sunday beer bust at the Lonestar on a Sunday afternoon. As would be obvious to most readers here, Bear events, outside, around happy hour are my most favorite.
  • While attending these bear bars and events I was shocked to see two porn stars that I have seen on Bearfims.com. As usual, I did not approach, figuring that talking to sex symbols is the fastest way to destroy the fantasy. For the sake of my sanity, you'll have to ask me in person if you want to find out which porn stars I'm talking about.
  • Finally, in the daytime, I continue to work on a new venture. It's stressful, hard work and difficult to manage. It's also exciting, visionary and new. At times I feel torn between many different modes of thinking and working. I don't have time to reflect on it a lot.
  • Yeah CA marriage. Yeah Obama. Yeah democrats. Don't fuck it up.

Quick summer update

Hey folks, since finishing classes I've begun work developing a business idea I've had kicking around for a while instead of working at a firm in a paid internship. It's confidential so I can't talk about it here but its proving to be a fascinating (and scary) experience. Busy Busy Busy.